I Don't Do It To Help You

I love helping people. Whenever I do it, I gain experiences and stories (some from the experience of helping and some from the people I help). It is a validating experience, partly because it means I am capable of solving the problem and partly because somebody came to me because they already were confident that I could solve their problem.

My mind is wired to solve puzzles in nearly any form. People's problems are just another puzzle to me. Solving them is satisfying.

On top of that, I am a very empathetic individual. When I am in the presence of happy people, it makes me happy.

As such, my desire to help people is conflicted. On one hand, it is a true and genuine desire to make people happy. On the other hand, I choose to do it because it makes me happy. When a friend of mine said how happy she was that I truly wanted to help her, my gut reaction was to say, "I don't do it to help you. I do it to help me." Fortunately, I didn't actually say it (and provided she manages to miss tonight's update, she will continue to not know that little fact).

I write all of this for two reasons. The first reason is that I consider this to be an interesting dynamic. In terms of characters or stories, a conflict like this is compelling to me. It is a conflict only because it seems impure to the protagonist; other than that, it seems perfect.

The other reason is that it is important to understand what compels you. Why do you write? What are you trying to accomplish? Why are you trying to accomplish it?

When you can answer those questions, you will be better able to know your path and the next step in writing.