Peace In Chaos

My mind operates too fast. Call it a symptom of the digital age, or anything else. Regardless of why, I feel like, at any given moment, my mind has tendrils probing in several directions at once. The older I get, the harder it is to concentrate. I can hardly write a paragraph in a notebook without feeling a compulsion to check for messages from people or look up a word or check what song is playing.

This isn't always a bad thing. Frankly, there usually is so much input coming my way that I would have a mental breakdown at work if I wasn't able to juggle several projects and drop any given assignment if a new one had a higher priority, while being able to jump right back into the previous projects. (And I nearly have had a mental breakdown once or twice by desperately trying to get one task done and having constant interruptions. Focus is the worst quality to have, it seems.)

Still, so much stimulus does wear on the psyche. When I get home from a long day, all I want is peace. And yet, I do not want quiet. My brain still wants to think about a half dozen things at once; it just can't handle a half dozen things all demanding attention.

So I turn on my computer, put on my music player, and listen to dubstep, heavy metal, or classical music. I seek music that is incredibly complex. I need a pulsing, driving rhythm. I want melody, counter-melody, harmony, each of which being played across several instruments at varying octaves. I want intricate, precise notes played atop a constant drone or moving bass line.

I find peace in the most chaotic music. My brain can listen to everything going on, pay attention to different parts at different times, and sit back and enjoy the complexity as a whole. None of it demands my attention, but a single piece of music can occupy all of my tendrils (which is the closest thing to focus as I'm going to get).

I think some people just thrive in chaos. A classic example is the warrior who only feels alive in the midst of battle. Compare that to the wizard who uses magic to control dozens of objects simultaneously. I think it does not even matter what their profession or hobby is. Anything can be peaceful when a person can lose themselves in their activities.

I also think that nobody is purely one or the other. Some things people prefer to do with focus and other things people prefer to do with distractions (or doing parallel with other activities). It's a sliding scale, and that's what makes life exciting. And, as usual, anything that makes life exciting, can make your writing exciting.