Arguing and Discussing

I find it frustrating that people have such gross misconceptions about what arguing and what discussing is. People think that arguing is shouting at somebody else about how stupid they are and they think that discussing is mindlessly talking out of your ass about anything. Both of those ideas are quite wrong.

Arguing is about making a claim and supporting that claim. You can just as easily call an arguer an advocate. Where arguing is about proving why you are right, discussing is about trying to figure out what is right. Discussions tend to have more questions than statements. Multiple people have the same goal, rather than opposite goals. They become teammates instead of enemies.

Arguing and discussing both have their uses, though I find arguing is rarely needed. I take exception with arguing because it is so hostile. People don't like hostility aimed at them, so they retaliate with their own hostility. That's why arguments get heated so quickly and don't go anywhere. Nobody with a belief strong enough to argue for is willing to have the belief argued against.

Arguing should only be used when you know that you are 100% correct, which is why it is needed so rarely. Even still, if you are going to argue with someone, remember one important thing: the key to winning arguments is to argue logic, not facts. Most people who are completely wrong in their beliefs are missing some logical piece of information which allows their beliefs to stand. If you can show a person that their argument is illogical or significantly flawed, that is the end of the argument. Of course, if a person is showed that their beliefs are irrational and they still believe them, leave them alone, because that is a brick wall in disguise and arguing with it is pretty useless.

I prefer discussion because there are many things I don't know fully and want to learn as much as possible about. I also think that I am 100% correct on issues very rarely. What I like most about discussions is how non-threatening they are. Because one person is seeking knowledge, the other person is know trying to teach instead of win. In fact, when I do want to argue with somebody, I will usually argue in the form of a discussion. Rather than tell a person that their logic is flawed, I will ask them the question that highlights the flaw in their logic. It's a bit sneaky, I admit, but it's also more peaceful. It also means I never stick my neck out by making claims I can't necessarily back up.