Can You Say It Drunk?

I believe that writing is a representation of speech.  I read at speech's pace because I say each word as I read it.  But even if you are a speed reader, you record them as speech.  Each word matters.  And the order and melody of the strings of words (also known as phrases) still register, even if you are a speed demon.  As such, if your words are cumbersome, they will trip up, slow down, and turn off your readers.

I had an experience earlier today that illuminated a good test for writing.  My mom has a temporary handicap parking permit and we are making light of the situation (better than taking it too seriously).  As such, my parents refer to her as a crip.  When we drive somewhere, we look for "crip parking".  This really bothered me, though.  Not because it's terribly politically incorrect (that's the best part about it).  It was just a mouthful to try to say.  I fiddled around with it and figured out that the /p/ at the end of 'crip' was making it difficult to say another word after it.  It also made it sound harsh (which is probably why it's so effective as a gang name).

I always liked using 'cripple' instead of 'crip'.  She needs "cripple parking", where we hang up our "cripple tags" and sit in "cripple chairs".  Although it adds an extra syllable, it softens the word significantly, making it easier to say the whole phrase and making it more silly and aloof, which is what we are shooting for in the first place.

Along with that realization came the other one: the best writing can be said with the least required control; you should be able to say it while you're drunk.  It reminded me of a comedian who had a joke that Budweiser is the most popular to say because it is easiest to order while drunk; it's just "Bud".

I don't officially recommend drinking, especially if you are underage, but the idea is sound.  Either get drunk, pretend to be drunk, or find some other way to be lazy, and say out loud what you have written.  If you can say it while not in perfect, precise control of your mouth and tongue, you have some pleasant writing right there.