I Write In Order To Feel

I'm a human being; I'm full of thoughts and feelings.  However, I don't let them out very often.  I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, choosing to sit in repose.  This doesn't mean I have rejected emotion, though.  It is quite the opposite.

I yearn to feel those feelings that everybody else has.  I just can't access them very easily.  Too many things follow the same patterns.  A Hollywood comedy is stale and unsurprising.  The same could be said of their action movies and love stories (and I've complained about horror movies enough as it is).  These things do not affect me because all I do is predict what's going to happen next.

This is why I write.  The stories I choose to write are different to me.  They are interesting and exciting.  Most of the time, I have no idea what's going to happen next.  Even when I do know the future, it is still a powerful thing to get there.

I finished writing the second story in my Grosso the Oso series.  It is the most depressing story I have ever written.  It is also the most difficult story I have ever written.  Every other sentence, I was staring into space, lost in my own mind, like I was trying to find any way to not continue down this path leading to heartache and pain.  Still, my desire to finish the story was greater and I pushed myself through it, finally getting my first draft finished.

As frustrating and scary as the experience of writing the story was, it also made me happy and excited.  A story I came up with instilled so much feeling that I could barely control it.  I can only imagine how much it will affect other people hen they read it.

And really, feeling is half of why I write.  If I can make people feel something when they read my work, I have succeeded.  And if I can make myself feel, I am confident that it will make others feel, too.