Why Do You Say That?

I'm a pretty polite guy. I don't like to rock the boat, so I am pretty agreeable. You say something and I'll smile and nod. If you talk about something that I am totally clueless on, I'll usually smile and nod, pretending I understand it.

I also enjoy watching Law & Order. And in watching that show I noticed something different. Whenever the detectives are interviewing somebody and the person makes a comment like, "I didn't know he did drugs, but I'm not surprised", the cops don't just agree. They always ask the same question: Why do you say that?

People are programmed to be understanding and agreeable. Nobody likes a contrarian, always questioning people and causing trouble. If you really belong with a group, you would already understand why people would say something.

But the fact of the matter is that we aren't a part of every group. We don't know every person, nor do we know their nuances or motivations. If we wan't to learn about these people (and as writers, we should), then we need to ask that same question whenever we come across something we don't understand.

Don't be afraid to stick out. Most people love to help or explain things. You won't be ostracized or criticized for asking why a person would say something. Of course, everything should be done within limits, but in general, asking questions can only help you.

The next time you get the feeling that you should just smile and nod, don't. Instead, kindly ask the person, "why do you say that?"