Tell Me About It

"Tell me about it" is a tainted phrase. It is impossible to use without it sounding insincere. Whenever we see it, we interpret it as "I strongly agree" or "I also have a similar story." And, in all fairness, that is how it's used almost every time. But you can do more with it.

"Tell me about it" is a simple phrase. It asks for more information, maybe even a story. It's a lovely way to implore.

If you are working in an audio medium, the right tone of voice can give the proper context. And if you are in a visual medium, the right body language can also show it right. It is mostly in prose where it becomes more difficult.

Of course, just because it is difficult does not mean that it's impossible, nor does it mean that it's worthless.

Give Up

Since I was young, I have always found a particular phenomenon when I tried to achieve a goal: If I try over and over again and continue to fail, then when I finally give up and try one more time just to go through the motions, that is when I succeed.

I think it relates to the story about water: if you clench your fist to hold it tightly, you end up holding nothing. If you keep going solely on your resolve, there is no reason to expect the outcome to change. Eventually, you need to do something different And that may mean giving up.

Fortitude is important, as is one's resolve. When you are sending out your writing to publisher after publisher, it is out of your hands. You just have to keep doing it until you've tried them all. But, once you have sent it out to everyone you know, give up.

It may just be a remarkable coincidence unique to me, but I find that hard to believe. I think sometimes we just get tunnel vision and lose focus on the big picture. If nothing else, try giving up just to know that you've tried it. You may find out that you finally got everything you wanted just by not wanting it anymore.

Life can be a serious dick like that.

Magic Words

I wish that magic words existed. The idea of incantations that could physically change the world around you is amazing.

Alas, the sad reality is that there are no magic words. Never is it more clear than when I console people in times of grief. Nothing cures a broken heart or a crushed spirit. When people have fallen into low places, only they can get themselves out. It takes time and it takes conscious effort to make their life better again.

Whenever people are upset, I wish there were magic words I could say that would make all the pain go away. There aren't magic words. But there are words. And sometimes, the most innocuous words strike you. They resonate within you. They move you to do the things you would never have done without them.

There are no magic words, but all words can be magical.

Shorter Is Sweeter

It is absolutely impossible to end conversations with most of my friends. Every time either one of us starts to say goodbye, we either have one more quick story to share, or we make one parting joke.

The problem is that it invariably leads to one more story or a follow-up joke. Suddenly, we've gone from winding down to being at full speed again. This is why going to dinner with the right people lasts 4 hours (or until we are politely kicked out because the restaurant is closing).

When conversing with good friends, it's wonderful. When writing dialogue, it's lousy. And when trying to find that final sentence to your writing, it's murder.

Keep it short and sweet. Everything within reason, but shorter is sweeter.

On Advice

Advice is...complicated. It's complicated on both ends, too.

To give advice, you are generally telling somebody else, "this is what you should do." You have all the best intentions. You want them to do well. You want them to succeed. You are confident that your advice will yield marvelous returns.

But if you give advice under the expectation that the receiver will follow it, then you are basically writing that person's work for them. You are robbing them of the experience. And depending on how strongly you feel about your advice, you may be offended if others choose not to take it.

To receive advice, especially if you sought it out, puts you in a potential bind. Most people already know the answers to their problems (or at least what they are going to end up doing) when they ask for advice. What they really want is confirmation. If the advice you receive doesn't confirm your plan, then you're still probably going to do it, but now you're going to feel worse about it.

The best advice is usually Socratic. Find out what the person wants to do, what results they expect, if their logic makes sense. If it doesn't, there should be a rational explanation why it wouldn't work and ideally a better alternative. This will circumvent all of the main issues and landmines involved in the world of advice giving.

Intros Suck

I hate writing the first sentence more than any other sentence (even more than the last one). You simultaneously want to say everything all at once, but cannot find an origin that makes sense on its own and smoothly transitions into your future thoughts. (I do admit that the title and first sentence of this particular post happen to work nicely.)

There are two kinds of writers: Those who suck at starting things and those who suck at finishing things (there is a third type: those who suck at everything, but they tend not to actually do any writing.)

I happen to be the former. And if you, also, can never manage to come up with a good beginning, then skip it. Jump straight into the body. Get done the parts you can do. Write down all the things you want to say. Then figure out how to put them together after you get it all done.

One of two things will happen: Either you will discover a good intro as you write the bulk of your piece, or you will logically deduce the best possible intro during the time that you are piecing together all the other parts.

Writing is the opposite of meal time. Do not save the best for last. Voraciously consume as many pages as possible as fast as possible. If you're lucky, you will slog through the nasty parts just out of habit or an obsessive compulsion to complete what you've started.

Expand Your Vocabulary Part 2

I wanted to add on to yesterday's post. The reason that my vocabulary is so strong is that every word I know is connected with several others by numerous principles. Every time I learn a new word, it connects with other words I know, as well as other linguistic principles I have.

For example, I mentioned the word "bespeak" yesterday. When I heard it, the first thing I thought about was the word "belie". Well, guess what. "Bespeak" and "belie" are basically antonyms. And since "belie" means "to show something to be false" and has "lie" in it, then I know that "bespeak" must be the opposite, meaning "to show something that is true."

Any time you learn a new word, understand that it does not exist in a vacuum. It evolved from previous words. It belongs to the same family as other words - words you probably already know. This is another great reason to learn grammar and other nitty gritty aspects of English (Latin and German don't hurt, either). If you can analyze and break down a word into its smaller components, if you can track down the history and evolution of the word, you will have a deeper and stronger understanding of it, even if it is the first time you ever saw that word, and you will be much more likely to retain it and use it in the future.